New Blog

Hey there friends!

As the New Year fast approaches, I thought a little change would be nice.  I have recently started a new blog called These Are Not Windows.

I have thoroughly enjoyed the years spent here on Fighting Entropy and am thankful to all my faithful readers.  I'm excited to start on a new blogging journey.

If you'd like to keep track of me and my crazy words, please follow me at my new niche.

Blessings to you and your loved ones in 2015!
Read on!

Much love,
Anna

What I've Learned of Hope

it's this time of year that gets me.

trying not to think about the short days, the long nights,
the gray skies, and the dropping temperatures.

I know.
there is beauty in this barren winter landscape, too.

but during these few cold months I find it hard to hold on to the hope of that beauty.

right now it's easy to be filled with Christmas lights, family, and the joy of all the festivities.

but what about the following months of bitter cold?
how do we hold on to hope even through hopelessness?

what I've learned of hope is that sometimes our hearts are too
weak to hold it themselves.
sometimes hope does not come from within ourselves.

sometimes it is He -
He the ultimate Hope.

He who fills us, renews us, and brings us slowly, surely,
into His light.
into His hope.

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us." ~ Romasn 8:18

as we look forward to celebrating His birth
may we also look inward and find our Hope -
not in the things He has created -
but in Him who was created,
for us,
and may we be filled with His hope.

...love, anna...

Read My Scars & Listen to My Wounds

Whoever reads this, I really hope you take this to heart.

I want to talk about being a sensitive person.
Don't roll your eyes.

I am a very sensitive person - always have been, always will be - and though there are many times I wish I could change this about myself -
I'm not going to apologize for it.

In a world where we are berrated for being vulnerable,
in a world where circumstances and people give us every reason to be cynical,
in a world where we are taught to "grit our teeth and bear it" -

I am completely aware of pain.  My pain, your pain -
the world's pain.

Being sensitive does not mean that I am weak.
It means that I see, acknowledge, and feel deeply and excruciatingly.

Shedding tears over hurt is not pathetic.
It simply means I'm a human being who feels.

This is not to say that less sensitive people are any less capable of feeling than I am.  Or that I don't have my own issues with insecurity.

I am simply so tired of people's refusal to read each other's scars & listen to each other's wounds.

We are human.  We are fragile.

I will not and cannot ever apologize for being a sensitive person.
And I have absolutely no reason to.

I know this is rambling and poorly written, but to anyone out there suffering because you've been told to "just get over it" -
let me tell you,
I see your pain
and I acknowledge it.

I challenge you to love genuinely, to be sensitive, and to be aware of other's pain.

End rant.

...love, anna...

Dimly

"for now we see in a mirror dimly"

and is this mirror dim?

I don't know what I see or how brightly I see it.

I can't help it - these descending leaves and this crescendoing of years is what gets me.

there was a time when there were twelve hands around our table and though I feel sufficient with six, I am not whole without

the other half.

"then we shall see face to face"

here we go 'round the clock again, and yet, I think these changing colors can only signify another season of darkness.

conflicted again, I go to the mirror in search of some beauty, am I not face to face with the fact of 

falling?

here I go - mending and lending my sarcasm.

was it not for the hope of something

that we fell?

"for now we see in a mirror dimly"

wouldn't I love to be more than dimly noted -

there stands she, more or less enough.

"then we shall see face to face"

there must be something metaphorically wrong with me,

I see too brightly.

...love, anna...

Echoes

if there's anything I've learned from
tears
it's that pain is not relative -
if it hurts, it hurts.

if there's anything I want you to know,
it's this -
that you are not
an echo.

and if you're somewhere wondering
with age-old tears
how many times you must send your echoes
into the past
until you finally realize how very far you are
from it,

let me tell you that
you are far
and wide
and deeply
separated from
it.

and no amount of tears or guilt or self-hate
can ever amount to how much
worth you are
in His arms

or how very far and wide and deeply
He has forgiven you.

and if you're sitting, wondering who or what or why it is
that you've cried so much for,
let me tell you that you

are so much more loved
than you could ever dare dream.

that you

are very much alive
and very much forgiven.

I know - you think you can't overcome -
you think you'll never be more than
an echo,
reverberating through
past mistakes -
softer, softer,
until you
fade.

I know - there is much pain.

but somewhere between birthmarks and crows' feet
you'll be okay

somewhere -
between side A and side B,
you'll find your way.

and I know that you are so much more than
an echo
and you deserve so much more than to
hear yourself vibrating along
empty walls.

and if there's anything I've learned from tears it's that
pain is not relative,

and if you're wondering how many more times you must
echo into the past...

if it hurts, it hurts.

Why I am Unabashed (and why you should be too)

In the recent months I've been working on a project that deals with an issue I'm very passionate about.

It's the issue of beauty.

And I know...I KNOW...

you're probably tired of hearing that 

"You're beautiful no matter what they say"

and

"It's what's on the inside that counts."

These things may be true, however, my goal is not to reiterate everything you've been told a million times simply because I know if I do that no one will listen.

I'm tired of hearing it too.

My mission is NOT to through a bunch of cliches at you and call it a day.  I'm not trying to create some feminist soap box on which to put down men and society.  And I'm not trying to place blame on any particular party.

My mission is simply this:

To seek beauty - to seek the beauty that can only come from Christ - and to seek it boldly and unabashedly.  And if I encourage even one other girl to do the same along the way, then I'd consider that a victory.

So here it is, world - listen close girls, boys, men, women -

I am unabashed.

I'm tired of being told that I'm not 

enough -

that my beauty can only be based on numbers, scales, and measurements.

I'm tired of believing that I am somehow

lacking -

just because I can't get guys' attention.

I'm tired of seeing girls throw away their self-respect just to win 

the wrong kind of attention.

So to this generation,

and to all future generations,

let me tell you -

There's nothing wrong with you.

There's nothing wrong with loving yourself -

forgiving your flaws,

seeing past your imperfections,

and embracing the fact that here you are -

very much alive,

and very much beautiful.

I love my God and all I want is for His beauty to shine through me,

and it is inconsequential whether or not 

anyone else sees the beauty in me,

because I know who I am,

I know what I believe,

and I've chosen

to love myself and to be

unabashed of that.

...love, anna...

For more information on the project and our upcoming event on November 8th at Beans on Broad, like the facebook page!

Unabashed

Don't Carry it All

By Friday of this week I was dead-beat and the only thoughts I had left were of sleep.

I find myself at the edge of this same precipice every year.

Finding the strength and will to get up every morning sometimes is about all I can muster and I've become consumed by lists and sticky notes and I'm so focused on only the things I can
cross off instead of what really
matters.

Instead of thinking "here I am" I find myself wondering
"where to next" and if for one fleeting moment I find myself sitting idle the only thought that enters my mind is
"what am I forgetting?"

I trick myself into thinking that I can carry it all,
that I have it all together -
I can be a perfect student, editor, actress, administrator, writer, friend, daughter, and sister.

I can do it all.

This past week tears and meltdowns and sleeplessness proved only that I am weak.

That I am wholly insufficient
without the steady arms of
my God.

I've found this to be true so many times I've lost count,
yet still I stand here,
staring over this canyon of all the things that
overwhelm me,
and am too stubborn to turn to the One who conquered them all.

This week, may we once again make God
the center of our lives,
and may we be humble enough to let Him
carry us.

...love, anna...