Maybe It's the Weather

Well, April is flying by in greens and blues and yellows and I know once May is here, I might as well count this school year over

because May will slip through my fingers

like sand.

And all of this unyielding forward-moving motion of my life just seems to keep my body flying with the inertia of it while my heart has come to a halting 

stillness.

I don't think the future has ever freaked me out more.  

Not that the future holds anything foreboding,

but more that the future holds - well -

I don't know what it holds.

That's what's scaring me.

Because next year I'll forge into my junior year of high school

and people will start asking me what college I want to attend

and what I want to do with the rest of my life

when I'm just a loud-hearted,

utterly lost

girl

of 16 years old.

But before I get ahead of myself, I think I ought to take a moment to breathe.

To remember that tomorrow and the days and months and years after tomorrow are 

God's to hold.

To talk long walks, 

utter messy prayers,

sing to the breeze,

stand in the sunshine,

and most of all,

love the people God has given me to love.

Maybe it's the weather,

but my mind is in rare form lately.

Too many thoughts to think and words to write

and people to worry about.

But for now, I think I'm just going to say

"enough."

For now, I think I'm just going to 

be full 

of all of this crazy,

messed up,

wonderfulness that is my life.

I know it's been a while, so sorry for the random rambling-ness. :)

                                        ...Love, Anna...

The Thing You Think You Cannot Do...

Guess who was in my head and written on my wrist this week?
Good old Eleanor Roosevelt.

What?

Yep, it was her words of wisdom that I had etched on my wrist and tucked away in my heart this week:

First of all, thank you Eleanor.  You inspire me.

Second of all, can we take a moment to flashback to the beginning of the year when I wrote these words:

And this year, as odd as it sounds, I want to be brave.

I want to make new friends and try new things and somehow get my words to reach the far corners of this earth.  I want to inspire.

A little over-eager was I.  Still yet, looking back, I have a lot of respect for that all-too-zealous and ever-too-innocent Anna of last September.  

Because at least that Anna knew what she wanted.  At least she wasn't afraid.  

Last September I proclaimed to an unknown audience that I wanted to be brave.  That I wanted to be inspiring.

I'm not too certain that I'm either of those things.  

But this week I learned something.

Listen up, because this just might apply to you, too.

I learned what bravery really is.  

Bravery is not being fearless.

Bravery is not pretending you don't care.

Bravery is not shouting from the rooftops.

Bravery 

is the decision that 

what you want,

or often times,

what you need,

is more important than fear.

Bravery 

is the voice that speaks

with confidence

even if it's shaking

even if it's small.

Bravery 

is hoping 

accepting

apologizing.

Bravery

is being honest

loving

and forgiving,

no matter the cost.

Bravery 

is doing the thing

you think 

you cannot do.

I don't consider myself brave.  I build a lot of walls of almost-courage, pseudo-confidence, and bendable-strength.  Truth is, I'm not of those things.  

I am brave only because I have an army of my Savior, my family, and my friends to back me up.

I am confident only in the fact that I have a God who carries me, no matter how much I am carrying.

I am strong only with the strength He supplies me with daily through His love, His forgiveness, and His grace.

I want to encourage you to be brave.  It's scary.  It's hard. Sometimes it's not worth it, and sometimes it can make all the difference. 

Either way, know this:

  "If our God is for us, who can be against us?" 

Romans 8:31

...Love, Anna...