An Unclouded Day

In Memory of David Arthur Armour

July 12, 1937-April 28, 2010

Yesterday marked the three year anniversary of the death of someone very dear to me and to countless others.  And I owe it to him to share the ways in which he touched my life.

Three years ago, I was in sixth grade.  Now, what motivated an ignorant, carefree 12 year old girl to go visit a man dying of cancer is what still to this day boggles me.  But I did.  I visited him because I saw something in him that I knew was beyond this world.  It was something more.  And so many times I've tried explaining my story or writing it, and it's absolutely useless.  Because I can't explain what I experienced.

Dr. Armour had been my neighbor and in my church for most of my childhood.  But it wasn't until he started dying that I got to know him.  When I visited him, one thing I will never forget is the life in his eyes.  He was a man dying of cancer, but no part of his eyes were dying.  I saw the most life that I'd ever seen in him.  It was the life of Christ.  And it was so evident and so real.  We had the most amazing conversation of my life.  And though I forget most of what we talked about, there is one thing I won't ever forget.

At one point he stopped and looked at me and asked, "So what made you come visit an old sick guy like me?"

There I was, sitting on the couch with a mug of delicious hot chocolate Mrs. Armour had brought me, my awkward, unknowing, sixth grade self.  And this, I promise you, is all I said, "Because you're a great man who loves Jesus."

At that moment Dr. Armour broke down in whole-hearted, unashamed, sobs.  "That's the best thing anyone has ever said to me".  He replied after his crying (and mine) had died down a bit.

The last time I visited him he was in a hospital bed in his own home, nearing the end of his time on earth.  It was so clear he wanted nothing more than to be with his Savior.  He always told me I was special, that God had amazing plans for my life, and that he loved me very much.

I held to his hand as he surfaced for a brief moment from all the medicine and pain, and he told me goodbye. I never got to tell him how much he meant to me or how much I loved him.  And I can say with certainty that there is not one single day that goes by that I don't think about how special he was or how much I regret not telling him everything I wanted to.

This post is jumbled and probably really confusing.  For that I am sorry, but as I said, I have never been able to find the right words.  And it's really, really hard to write this.

But I want to say thank you.

Thank you, Lord, for the gift of Dr. Armour and for using him in my life and in the lives of others'.

Thank you, Dr. Armour, for being who you were.  And even though I only knew you for a brief time, we were kindred souls, you and I.  And I would not be half the person I am today if it wasn't for you.

I know you're singing in heaven now.

And that the life in your eyes will never be extinguished.

Not even by death.

...Love, Anna...

Psalm 121

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills,

From whence cometh my help.

My help comes from the LORD,

Which made heaven and earth.

He will not suffer thy foot to be moved;

He that keepeth thee will not slumber.

Behold, He that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD is thy keeper:

The LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.

The sun shall not smite thee by day,

Nor the moon by night.

The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil;

He shall preserve thy soul.

The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in 

From this time forth,

And even for evermore.

Someday

It's been a while since I've written about my 2013 word - living sacrifice - and I've had some more realizations of late.

Now, usually after a show a go through about a week of what I refer to as "post-show depression".  Last weekend our high school proudly put on an original musical by our director himself, and his friend - Sasquatch: the Musical.  It's the biggest let down ever when a show ends, but this one was especially bittersweet, as it was the seniors' (including my brother's) last show.

And so many thoughts and emotions started churning up in me.  I have seriously been anticipating and dreaming of and longing for this year for SO long.  I always sat by and very impatiently waited for the day I could be part of the high school theater program.  I heard my brother humming all the songs, muttering the lines, coming home later and later each week as the rehearsals got longer and the stress piled higher.  And I just was about to burst with longing to be in high school, already!

This year was so full of somedays.  And looking back now I realize how much I took for granted all of those events and moments that I dreamed of for so long.  I can't get them back.  Not ever.

I have always been the kind of person eager and ready to move forward.  I've never looked back or shed a tear over marching on.  I wouldn't say I dream my life away, but I have trouble living in the moment.  This year has changed me so much.  I'm not reluctant to move forward, at all.  But I'm in no rush anymore.  I love where I am and am confident I'll love where I'm headed.

Watching the seniors up on the podium giving their senior speeches before the show was both hopeful and heartbreaking.  It was exciting for me, realizing my theater career has just begun.  And heartbreaking, realizing I will never share the stage with these people again.  It was also horrifying, knowing how fast the years will go, how I only have six more shows.  How two have gone by and I barely even glanced their way as they flew past.

Everyone complains about our little town - how pathetic it is, how there's "nothing to do", how they can't wait to get out of here.  I've joined in their chorus of complaints most of my life, too.  But this year I've discovered how thankful and blessed I am to grow up in this town.  And though some days I want to scream and pull my hair out and as our dear George Bailey would say, "shake the dust off this crumby little town and see the world!", most days I find myself content where I am.

I'm sorry if I sound like a blubbering sentimentalist today, but I promise all of this rambling connects.

I know that God calls us to be completely thankful and content with all we have.  And most days I look around and wonder what more I could ever ask for.  Sometimes this makes me feel guilty.  But my Mom always says it should make me feel blessed.  Looking around my small, weathered, sun-deprived, rugged town, I realize there's not too much to see.  Besides the college and the Outlet Mall, outsiders rarely come to visit or have even heard of us.

Most people say there's nothing to do and no where to go.  That our town is ugly and the weather miserable.  There aren't any good restaurants or theaters.  What do we have to our name?

It's taken me my lifetime, but now I know.  I know I'll miss this place when I have to leave.  I'll miss the community - how news spreads like a wildfire, how everyone knows everyone.  I'll miss the shock of the first ray of sun sometime in March after a long and hard winter.  I'll miss the greatest coffee shop ever in the sweetest downtown in the world, that has practically become my second home.  I'll miss seeing all the college students back on campus in August.  I'll miss being able to walk practically anywhere.  I'll miss the huge oak trees in my neighborhood.  I'll miss our amazing little Guthrie theater downtown.  I'll miss our family owned and run and delicious restaurants.  And most of all, I'll miss the people here that have shaped who I am and who I'm becoming.

To be a living sacrifice, we need to be content with where we are, even if it's not where we want to be forever.  I by no means want to stay here the rest of my life.  I want to leave, go to college, explore the world, get married, have a family....you know, the usual.  BUT, for now I believe God calls us to be thankful with what we have.  This is being a living sacrifice.  If we keep counting on somedays, like I did, we won't even enjoy them when they're here, because we'll be fixated on the next someday.

Today is someday.
Tomorrow will be yesterday.
And yesterday,
"Remember when?"

...Love, Anna...

My inspiration: this sweet place where I live :)

Let Me Cliche You

Not that men don't need to hear this, but...

This post is for the ladies.

Now springtime has arrived and the weather is getting warmer and the sun is starting to shine...OKAY, so SOMEWHERE on this Earth springtime has arrived, etc. etc.

Point is, warm weather brings more than just spring spirit and Easter and daydreams of summer.  Warm weather brings the short shorts, the tight tank tops, the bikinis, and you can use your imagination for the rest.

And I know, I know, I KNOW.  Biggest. Cliche. Ever.  But, nonetheless, I'm gonna say it: Girls, ladies, women - modest is hottest, y'all.  

Once you've stopped cringing from that horrific phrase that I'm sure you've heard on the lips of many, I'd like to go into some more depth since "modest is hottest" doesn't really cut it - at least not for me.

I will now dub you with my opinions whether you like it or not - whether you agree with it or not.   These apply not only for modesty, but for your own positive body image.  And before I get up on my glorified soap box, I'd like to say that I am not preaching self-righteously, like I've never made any mistakes before.  Absolutely not.  I get it, I really do.  Don't forget I'm also a teenage girl in this sex-crazed, "beauty"-centered world.  I've struggled with making good, modest choices, too.  And I am by no means accusing anyone or patting myself on the back.  I am truly writing this as much for myself as for anyone else.

On modesty:

1. If it makes you uncomfortable, don't wear it.  Don't put something on simply because you want to look like someone else.  If it makes you uncomfortable, just don't wear it.  Your body is more precious than any social pressure to be someone or something you are not.

2. (Most) of us don't actually want to see it.  If you wear something to exemplify or show off any part(s) of your body, keep in mind that there is a very small population of us that actually want to see.  The rest of us (the majority of us) don't care for it.  At all.  And that small population that does you will find does not have the motives you might think.  So just keep everything wear it belongs.

3. The kind of clothes you wear will attract the same kind of guys.  You may not realize it, but what you wear says a lot about you.  Especially to other guys.  The way you dress sends a signal - what kind of signal are sending?  Is it the signal you want?  Are they the guys you deserve?  If you can't respect yourself enough in the way you dress, you won't find a guy who respects you or your body, either.

4. You're only hurting yourself. If you choose to dress immodestly, it can only have bad effects on you and your self-image.

5. Just because your friends wear it does not make it right to wear.  TRUST me, I know how easy it is to cave to peer pressure.  Especially when it's your closest friends.  But, you need to fight.  You need to keep standing strong in your modesty and in your beliefs.  Be an example to others.  Even if you're mocked or ridiculed for being modest, think of what's more important.  Looking like the world, or honoring God, who made you and loves you.

6. Bikinis. Now I don't want to go off on a tangent, but I just had to say something about bikinis.  Sigh.  Ladies, they're not attractive.  They just aren't.  Why is it EXTREMELY socially unacceptable to wear a bra and underwear in public, yet somehow, when you go to the beach or the pool - BANG - it's perfectly fine to wear your underwear?  'Cause let's face it, that's basically what bikinis are.  Bikinis put your body on display for everyone to see - and maybe that's what people want.  But that's definitely not what God wants.

7. Don't make it your goal to look "hot" or "sexy", make it your goal to feel beautiful in your own skin - and not some artificial skin the world tells us we need.

On true beauty and self-image:

1. When you go to look in the mirror, go having already decided that what you will see is beautiful. So many women go through their lives miserable because they aren't "beautiful enough".  You need to make a decision - make a decision to be beautiful.  Beauty is not appearances.  Beauty is a decision and a way of living.  Beauty shines through your words, your works, and your faith.  It has nothing to do with weight, height, or perfection.

2. Be beautiful like you, not beautiful like them. Don't compare yourself to others or wish you looked like others.  Be proud of who you are.

3. Get some confidence. Once you're comfortable in your own skin, you have no need to look like anyone else.  I'm not the skinniest or the prettiest or the funniest person in the world.  But I don't need to be.  I love who I am and I don't need to change that to meet anyone's standards.

4. Beauty fades. Nothing lasts, so there's no point in wasting time in money trying to make yourself beautiful.  Enough with the anti-wrinkle creams (we all know they don't work anyway) and fake tans and fake eyelashes.  Growing old is beautiful, and growing old is inevitable.  It simply means you've lived and loved and are wiser and richer than you were before.  There is beauty in everything, at every stage of life, just not everyone chooses to see it.

5. Be healthy, not vain. Healthy diets and exercise are both wonderful things.  And important, too.  God wants us to respect and take care of the bodies He gave us.  But make sure your motive is to be healthy, not to be skinny.

6. You're not alone. I think all of us women can relate.  We ALL have days (lots of days) when we feel hideous.  When our hair won't cooperate.  When we feel fat.  When we have pimples protruding on our foreheads.  When we stand in front of the mirror and criticize everything about us that we possible can.  We're all like that, unfortunately.

Sometimes I close my eyes and wonder what God sees when He thinks of true beauty.

The answer is you, darling.

He said so - "He has made everything beautiful in it's time." Ecclesiastes 3:11

God made, and is making, you beautiful.  When He thinks of beauty, He thinks of His creations, and that includes you.  God looks at the heart.

Hope everyone has a GREAT week - I've been saving this post for a while and it will probably be my last for a couple weeks because I am rather engulfed in the musical right now!! ;)

Come see it -
Sasquatch: the Musical

April 11, 12, and 13 at 7:00
High school auditorium
Tickets: $7 adults, $5 students

...Love, Anna...

My inspiration: "Charm is deceptive and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30

P.S. This post was rather rushed, so if there are any mistakes I apologize! :)