Be Still

I find that as my life becomes busier,
the days fly by,
and the clothes pile up on my floor,
and the homework piles up in my brain,
and every moment is just another swipe
on the clock's hand,
another minute gone,
finally,
so I can move on to the next.

But outside of this crazy bubble
is this crazy world of mine.

And the leaves are changing colors
and the sky is brilliantly blue
and here I am,
ignoring it,
too busy to enjoy it,
too selfish to be a part of it.

And all these things that I love are
happening,
now,
they're passing by under the tip of my nose
beneath my gaze,
they're just blowing away.

And how badly I want to stop and see these things for myself,
but it's always too late by the time I realize
I'm chugging along at appalling speeds,
and by the time I slow down enough to
see the world.

But maybe what's really important is not
what's happening in the world,
big and small,
but Who it is that's controlling it all.

Who holds the seasons in His hands,
and makes the earth turn,
and the day become night
and the night become day
yet again.

Who brings us into the new sunrise
every morning,
whether or not we want to be awake,
or in the world,
no matter how busy we think we are,
or how far we think we've fallen from
His grace.

We are here.
And we are His.
And we cannot run from Him.

I just want to take a minute to breath.
To inhale,
To exhale,
To know that He is here,
in my every day and every moment,
in my busy
and in my peace
in my best
and in my worst days,
and that He knows just what He's doing.

He knows the plans He has for us.

So, let us all,

Be still. And know that He is God.

...Love, Anna...

A Prayer

Dear God,

I find it strange that I can be so busy with my life and my friends and my homework
that I suddenly don't have time for
the God of the universe.

That I can be so full of this life that's moving at a tremendous speed
and yet so empty of
You.

That I can be so proud and selfish and oblivious to the fact that
You,
You, LORD,
have given me this air,
these lungs,
this heart of mine that races too fast,
these dreams that are too caught up
in the net of life.

That I haven't stopped to listen in so long.
Haven't even let You put a word in.
My prayers, so self-focused,
My thanks,
neglected and forgotten the second I get
what I want.

That I've been so blind to You, oh God.

I'm so sorry.

Thank You, LORD.
Thank You for Your unmistakable plan for my life.
Thank You for the gifts You've freely given.
Thank You for being within me, always.

Amen.

This week gone by was an emotional roller coaster.  And I've realized that if I don't center my life on the Creator of it, I'm bound to fall to pieces.

...Love, Anna...

My inspiration: 

"You give and take away,

You give and take away,

My heart will choose to say,

LORD blessed be Your name."

You Get What You Need

I wish I had the stamina to handle disappointment with grace,
even when I'm holding the broken pieces of my
craziest and most precious dreams in my hands.

I wish I had the faith to instantly turn to God
and say with a sincere heart,
"I didn't get what I wanted,
But I am still thankful."

I wish I had the strength and the wisdom to know
that God's plans are greater than
my wildest dreams.

But I simply do not.

I am broken and
human
and not fully formed into
the woman God has made me to
become.

I am not yet
wise
I am not yet
strong
My faith is yet
to be tested further
My heart is yet
to be filled with grace.

This is my short and whole-hearted petition.

That though I am not feeling strong or faithful or thankful,
That though my dreams have been dulled to a slight glimmer,
I will,
Someday,
Find the grace to say truly and sincerely,

"God, You knew what You were doing then,
And You still do,
And You count my tears,
And You love me still."

Dreams are not always made to come true.
Sometimes dreams are made to show you 
there's something so much better
in store.

...Love, Anna...

A Rambling

Sitting here, I'm trying to enjoy these last moments of summer.

Trying not to feel overwhelmed or over-excited or over-nostalgic.  Trying to be indifferent.  Trying to be blind to all the change that has happened this summer.  And trying to forge ahead without looking back too much.

I sat down to write this because I knew I had to post something this week, but I had no idea what to say.  And I still don't.

But today I don't want to be too thoughtful.  I just want to take a brief moment to recognize what an impact this summer has made on my life and to thank the people in my life that I don't thank often enough.

For those of you who don't know, it's been a big summer.  A one word summary? Change.
Change, change, change, and realizing that there's no other way to say it: change sucks.
And realizing when there's no one else to turn to - pray, pray, pray.
And realizing, though life's tough sometimes, I've got some pretty amazing friends and family.

So I just want to say to quick thanks to the friends who've always had my back.  Lucy, Anna, Olivia, Hayat - I can't thank you enough for all the support you've freely given to me especially in these past few months with all the crazy goings-on and all my insane plans and dreams.  You have no idea the confidence you've inspired in me and without you, I'd be another lost soul on this ever-changing planet.

And to my family - what can I say?  Nothing I do can ever phase you, and as much as that drives me crazy, I know it's only because you know me and love me so well.  I can't explain how much I love and respect all of you and I can't begin to comprehend how very blessed I am to have each and every one of you in my life.

Going in to my sophomore year, there are so many unknowns.  So much the future may or may not hold for me.  And so very much to do.

I'm trying to just breath it all in before the crazy rush of classes and homework and theater and friends and life in general.  Because I know I'm gonna close my eyes one second, and open them the next, and it'll be over.  Another year, gone.  Swept under this growing rug that is my life.

And this year, as odd as it sounds, I want to be brave.

I want to make new friends and try new things and somehow get my words to reach the far corners of this earth.  I want to inspire.

And so, I suppose, to bring a conclusion to this rambling mess of a post, I'd just like to officially bid summer farewell.  'Twas good in many ways.  Hard in others.  But as much as I'd like to just stay bitter about the bad parts, I think it would be much wiser to thank God for the good parts.  And to trust that as He is telling the story, and I am merely playing the part, He knows what He's doing.  And He has much better things in store for us.

So just remember this one thing for me: always be a little scared, so you can be a little brave.

...Love, Anna...