Do You Trust Me?

"Do you trust me?"

"What?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes...?"

"Then JUMP!!!"

I think (well I sure hope) we all recognize this scene from our dear Aladdin.   If not...watch now:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgeIiREvafQ

Recently my faith has been a bit like this scene.  We can't always understand what God wants or why He wants it.  And it's perfectly OK to NOT know.  Sometimes that's what He wants.  In these times, He's asking us to trust Him.  He's asking us to JUMP.

We don't know where we'll end up.  We don't know all the answers.

We just take His hand.

We just jump.

And we trust that as we fall, He's holding us.  As we fall, He's changing us.  As we fall we ask for nothing.  We simply trust that His plans are greater than our dreams.

How wonderful it is to have a God that's got us.

Do you trust Him?

...Love, Anna...

My inspiration: Jumping, Falling, Trusting.

Dad is Great...Gives us Chocolate Cake!

Oh, my dearest Father,

What can I possibly say?

I know that you scoff at Father's Day as "bogus" and "another Hallmark holiday", but I don't mind having the opportunity to recognize someone who has given me so much love and wisdom for as long as I've been alive.

For as long as I can remember, the safest place in my little corner of the universe has been in your lap.  And even though I'm 15 now and have far outgrown the sturdy shelter of your lap, sometimes I still want to crawl into it and be in that safety again.  I know I am still and forever will be welcome back to my old niche in your arms, a place I will never outgrow.   As I get older and wiser (?), the shelter of your lap has morphed into the fortress of your prayers.  I know that anytime I am upset or need guidance, you will be there willing and ready to pray with me and for me.  And in our little bubble of prayer, I feel fully known and loved.

I am sure that all the weird sayings and things you do will forever be etched in my being.  I find myself using the same phrases that you do to my friends, who then look at me as if I was speaking gibberish.  But it's those tiny things that embody who you are and who we are as a family...something I wouldn't trade for the world!  And even though I tease you all the time about all the weird stuff you say, and most of it I still don't pretend to understand, I hope you know that really love it.  And I'm proud that we can be weird together! :)

What other Dad would play games like "rhino" or "double kitty" (goodness knows how we came up with that one!) or have "beanie baby wars"?  Who else would make baths so fun with inventions like "waterfall"?  Who else would sing "Amazing Grace" to his daughter every night in a different way?  I still remember the time I asked you to sing it "creepy".  You hid in the closet and popped out in the middle of the verse...what other Dad could sing "Amazing Grace" creepily??!!  When I grew tired of "Amazing Grace", you used to sing "No Night There", which is still my favorite hymn.  We came up with motions to go with it, and for whatever reason we would pull on our ears when we sang "and they count not time by years".  

From very young, you sparked in Sam and Will and me a love for literature.  Instead of reading simple bedtime stories like a lot of kids, you read us masterpieces like The Chronicles of Narnia.  My favorite part about story time was how you were so animated.  When we read Harry Potter, you even used British accents and had different voices for each character.  You used to test Will and I to see if we were really paying attention.  You'd say things like, "And then Sam and Frodo went to McDonald's and ordered a Big Mac."  Will and I would laugh and laugh.

A love for literature was not the only thing you taught me from a young age.  You taught me to love writing.  I don't remember a specific time when I started writing, but it was very young.  I would never have started, or kept going for that matter, if it wasn't for you.  Your words are so beautiful.  All my life I've only ever striven to be half the writer you are.  Along with a passion for words, you've instilled in me a dissatisfaction, a want to always be better at my writing.  I think it is a very good thing.

Most importantly though, you've set the firm foundation of Christ in my life.  You've raised us all in prayer and in love.  When we were little, we had "Bib Sto" (Bible Story) every night, setting the example of reading our bibles and praying faithfully every day.  I didn't always know the meaning, but I knew the truth.  You've also given me the greatest gift a Father can give to his daughter.  That is loving her mother.  You have been a wonderful example of what a husband should be, and how he should love his wife.  I've set my standards very high, and for good reason.  My Father.

Well, Dad, you've put up with me for 15 years, and you still love me.  And for that I must say thank you.  Thank you for everything you are and have been.  The next three years will be tough, but I am looking forward to spending more time with you and Mom.  And I know that no matter what, you will be here with your sheltering arms and trusting prayers.  And that is more than any daughter could ask for.

I love you, Daddy.

Love,
Anna

I think you've quoted this once or twice! ;)

Reflections

So here's the thing:
I'm in 10th grade.
What. The heck. Happened?

Somehow the last day of school sneaked up on me from behind...and here I am.  A sophomore in high school.

I still feel like an ignorant eighth-grader, shaking in my shoes on the first day of high school, unprepared for four years of adventure and growth.  I remember the first day of school as a freshman so vividly.  There I was, not knowing what to expect, excited, terrified, overwhelmed.

But this year has been beyond wonderful.  Full of surprises, trials, laughter, tears, new friends, adventures, struggles, and successes.  But so wonderful.

I was part of my first high school theater production.  And as lame as it sounds, I've been dreaming of being in high school theater since I was very little.  I'm living my dream, y'all.

And I learned (painfully) that, as Billy Joel would say, "you can't be everything you want to be before your time."

My family and I had our first Christmas without my Grandpa.

I turned 15 on January 15!

I made some amazing new friends and had one of the greatest experiences of my life through "Sasquatch: the musical".  I learned how to be patient, to persevere, and to give God the glory.  

I wrote my first song for my brother who is leaving for college in August, and performed it (with persuasion from my friend) at the annual Thespian Coffee House.

I also got to sing two songs with my brother at the Coffee House (something I've been DYING to do since I watched Will perform when he was a freshman).

I watched my brother,Will, graduate from high school.

Dear Freshman Year,

If I had to pick one word to sum you up, it would probably be growth.
Sure I've grown taller and matured.
But I mean I've grown into who I am.
I'm not exactly sure who that is yet.
But for once I'm not worried about it.
I've grown stronger in my faith.
I've grown stronger in my ability to let things I can't control go to the One who controls all.
I've grown stronger in my prayers.
I've grown stronger in my love.
I've grown stronger in my helpless need for God.
I've stopped trying to impress people.
I've stopped worrying so much.
I've learned to listen better.
I've learned to enjoy each moment better.
I've learned how to be quiet.
I've learned when to speak and what to say.
You've been good to me, 9th grade.  But don't be offended when I say I'm ready to move on.  Truly, I am.  As much as I'd love to stay, I need to go.  I've much more to discover, you see.  I've much more to learn about the world, about people, about myself.  I have places I'm ready to go to, people I need to meet, prayers I need to pray, and shows I'm dying to be a part of.
I'm thankful for you, with all your ups and downs.  You've weeded out the true friends and the flakes.  You've exposed the things about me that need much improvement.  You've encouraged the things about me that are perfect the way they are.  And you've given me more wisdom.  And for that I must say, thank you LORD.
So I guess this means goodbye, Freshman Year.  I won't forget you. :)

....Love, Anna...

To God Be the Glory

A year ago yesterday, my Grandpa passed into the gates of eternity.

I can't believe it's been a year.

Last June when my family and I traveled down to Virginia for the funeral, I was a very different person.  So, so, young I seemed now that I look back.  And so ill-prepared for death.

Now, the only two things you need to know about my family are that we like to eat and we like to hug.  We are a truly wonderful family that I can't thank God enough for.  I think the biggest thing that I miss about my Grandpa is seeing him sit at the head of the table at Christmas dinner, saying a prayer over his wife, his four children and children-in-law, and his twelve grandchildren.

When we go visit my Grandma, the house feels different.  I told my parents one time that Grandma and Grandpa are like salt and pepper, they have to go together.  My Grandpa loved his apple pie, his tea, his chair, his baseball caps, his corny jokes, his birds, his country, his family, his wife, and most of all, his God.

I can't express enough thanks for the legacy he set forth in my family, a legacy of faith and love.  The last time we visited you, I could tell it would be the last time I'd see you here on Earth.  I hugged you as hard as I could, and you had that sweet, sweet smile on your face as you kissed me on the cheek.  My Mom told me later that you told her how beautiful I was as you were saying goodbye to her.  Grandpa, that meant more than I can say.  I remember after my Mom told me that, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and tried to figure out what you meant.

You saw my heart.  And God knows it's not beautiful yet, but you knew it would be.

I wrote this last June after the funeral, and I've never shared it with anyone until now.  But it sums up everything:

There was a last time I kissed my Grandpa on the cheek,
Or saw him grin at me.
There was a last time
He took a breath on this Earth,
A last time cancer said "game over",
And his oxygen tank gasped
Like his breath.
There was a last time he drank his tea,
Or rocked in his favorite chair.
A last time
My cousin shouted "Paga!"
And jumped into his arms.
There was a last time
He kissed his wife,
Or polished off an apple pie.
A last time
He cracked a corny joke
And chuckled to his heart's content,
Or stubbornly insisted
On walking on his own.
And there was a last time
That cancer took away his life
But could not, did not, will not, has not, cannot,
Take away our hope.
And that is why I know,
In heaven, Grandpa,
Your are dancing,
You are singing,
You are smiling,
Telling jokes,
And laughing.
You are staring right at Jesus.
Someday,
Very soon,
For the first time,
I can kiss you on the cheek,
Hug your cancer-free body,
Someday,
Where sickness is banished,
And no time is kept,
And no years go by.
At home.
Where there will be no last times.

We miss you, Grandpa.  I miss you.  And I love you very much.  And I will see you soon.

To God be the glory,
To God be the glory,
To God be the glory,
For the things He has done.

...Love, Anna...