Someday

It's been a while since I've written about my 2013 word - living sacrifice - and I've had some more realizations of late.

Now, usually after a show a go through about a week of what I refer to as "post-show depression".  Last weekend our high school proudly put on an original musical by our director himself, and his friend - Sasquatch: the Musical.  It's the biggest let down ever when a show ends, but this one was especially bittersweet, as it was the seniors' (including my brother's) last show.

And so many thoughts and emotions started churning up in me.  I have seriously been anticipating and dreaming of and longing for this year for SO long.  I always sat by and very impatiently waited for the day I could be part of the high school theater program.  I heard my brother humming all the songs, muttering the lines, coming home later and later each week as the rehearsals got longer and the stress piled higher.  And I just was about to burst with longing to be in high school, already!

This year was so full of somedays.  And looking back now I realize how much I took for granted all of those events and moments that I dreamed of for so long.  I can't get them back.  Not ever.

I have always been the kind of person eager and ready to move forward.  I've never looked back or shed a tear over marching on.  I wouldn't say I dream my life away, but I have trouble living in the moment.  This year has changed me so much.  I'm not reluctant to move forward, at all.  But I'm in no rush anymore.  I love where I am and am confident I'll love where I'm headed.

Watching the seniors up on the podium giving their senior speeches before the show was both hopeful and heartbreaking.  It was exciting for me, realizing my theater career has just begun.  And heartbreaking, realizing I will never share the stage with these people again.  It was also horrifying, knowing how fast the years will go, how I only have six more shows.  How two have gone by and I barely even glanced their way as they flew past.

Everyone complains about our little town - how pathetic it is, how there's "nothing to do", how they can't wait to get out of here.  I've joined in their chorus of complaints most of my life, too.  But this year I've discovered how thankful and blessed I am to grow up in this town.  And though some days I want to scream and pull my hair out and as our dear George Bailey would say, "shake the dust off this crumby little town and see the world!", most days I find myself content where I am.

I'm sorry if I sound like a blubbering sentimentalist today, but I promise all of this rambling connects.

I know that God calls us to be completely thankful and content with all we have.  And most days I look around and wonder what more I could ever ask for.  Sometimes this makes me feel guilty.  But my Mom always says it should make me feel blessed.  Looking around my small, weathered, sun-deprived, rugged town, I realize there's not too much to see.  Besides the college and the Outlet Mall, outsiders rarely come to visit or have even heard of us.

Most people say there's nothing to do and no where to go.  That our town is ugly and the weather miserable.  There aren't any good restaurants or theaters.  What do we have to our name?

It's taken me my lifetime, but now I know.  I know I'll miss this place when I have to leave.  I'll miss the community - how news spreads like a wildfire, how everyone knows everyone.  I'll miss the shock of the first ray of sun sometime in March after a long and hard winter.  I'll miss the greatest coffee shop ever in the sweetest downtown in the world, that has practically become my second home.  I'll miss seeing all the college students back on campus in August.  I'll miss being able to walk practically anywhere.  I'll miss the huge oak trees in my neighborhood.  I'll miss our amazing little Guthrie theater downtown.  I'll miss our family owned and run and delicious restaurants.  And most of all, I'll miss the people here that have shaped who I am and who I'm becoming.

To be a living sacrifice, we need to be content with where we are, even if it's not where we want to be forever.  I by no means want to stay here the rest of my life.  I want to leave, go to college, explore the world, get married, have a family....you know, the usual.  BUT, for now I believe God calls us to be thankful with what we have.  This is being a living sacrifice.  If we keep counting on somedays, like I did, we won't even enjoy them when they're here, because we'll be fixated on the next someday.

Today is someday.
Tomorrow will be yesterday.
And yesterday,
"Remember when?"

...Love, Anna...

My inspiration: this sweet place where I live :)