Square One

So I haven't posted in a while.  Too long, in fact.

And I honestly can't pinpoint a reason why.

It's not that I haven't had any inspiration for a post - I've had plenty.

It's not that I've been exceptionally busy - please, in the summer that would be a miracle!

The only factor that has changed since my last post is that I've made a Facebook page for myself and am now able to share all my blog posts with a larger audience (a big part of that audience made up by friends and peers).

It sounds terribly stupid and cowardice, I know, but I realize now that I've been a little afraid.  All this time the majority of my readers have been close friends, family members, and some of my Mother's friends since I used her Facebook page to post about my blog.  Now, I've been a little bit more timid to write.

Because I know that if I post, I will put it on my new Facebook page.  And if I put it on my new Facebook page, it is likely that a new (maybe more critical) audience will be reading.

What happened, I wonder, to that brave and honest girl who wanted to tell the world her thoughts and beliefs through her writing?  Where did she go?

Quite honestly, she was hiding.

And every time I started to form an idea for a post, I imagined certain people reading it, and I imagined what they would think.  I started to doubt myself.  I started to worry what I would sound like to them.  What they would think of me.  What they would label me - hypocrite, fraud, phony, lame, goody-two-shoes?

Then I stopped and thought, "Anna, just why did you start out on this blog in the first place?"

And I laughed.  Because at that moment I was being just what I feared I would be called - a hypocrite and a fraud and so much of a coward.  I remembered that I set out writing this blog on a mission - to be honest and to use my words to honor God and to reach the far corners of the hearts only Jesus can save.

And I simply cannot live (or write, for that matter) being afraid of what people think.  And I simply cannot write dishonestly, because fake writing is soulless and no one will believe it.

So here I am.

In so many ways, back in square one.

About to endeavor on a slightly new journey in writing.

I don't know who is reading this, new or old or no one at all, but I'm not hear to preach to you or beg some sort of praise out of you.  I'm here to do what I love - write.  And I'm here to use my writing to glorify the God that I love - the one living and true God.

And I'm here in hope that somehow, someday, in some way, you too will come to love Him the way He has always loved you.

And I'm here despite of my fear of judgement.

...Love, Anna...

My inspiration: 

"Spend a little more time trying to make something of yourself, and a little less time trying to impress people." ~The Breakfast Club