Maybe It's the Weather

Well, April is flying by in greens and blues and yellows and I know once May is here, I might as well count this school year over

because May will slip through my fingers

like sand.

And all of this unyielding forward-moving motion of my life just seems to keep my body flying with the inertia of it while my heart has come to a halting 

stillness.

I don't think the future has ever freaked me out more.  

Not that the future holds anything foreboding,

but more that the future holds - well -

I don't know what it holds.

That's what's scaring me.

Because next year I'll forge into my junior year of high school

and people will start asking me what college I want to attend

and what I want to do with the rest of my life

when I'm just a loud-hearted,

utterly lost

girl

of 16 years old.

But before I get ahead of myself, I think I ought to take a moment to breathe.

To remember that tomorrow and the days and months and years after tomorrow are 

God's to hold.

To talk long walks, 

utter messy prayers,

sing to the breeze,

stand in the sunshine,

and most of all,

love the people God has given me to love.

Maybe it's the weather,

but my mind is in rare form lately.

Too many thoughts to think and words to write

and people to worry about.

But for now, I think I'm just going to say

"enough."

For now, I think I'm just going to 

be full 

of all of this crazy,

messed up,

wonderfulness that is my life.

I know it's been a while, so sorry for the random rambling-ness. :)

                                        ...Love, Anna...